I am Greek, my Wife English. We have a girl and a boy 8 years and 3 years old. We have heard many myths about raising a child with more than one language. We have been discouraged from doing so. We were told it can lead to confusion and speech delays, or that they've missed the window of opportunity. Please could you offer your opinion?

Here are the most common myths – and the real story behind raising a child to be bilingual.

Myth 1. Growing up with more than one language confuses children.

This is by far the most prevalent of all the misconceptions. Some parents think that if a child is exposed to two languages at the same time, he might become confused and not be able to differentiate between them.

Experts say that "from just days after birth, all infants can tell the difference between many languages," this is especially true when the languages are quite different from each other – as different, for example, as French and Arabic.

"At that young age, infants generally still have trouble telling two very similar languages apart, like English from Dutch. But by about 6 months of age, they can do that too,"

Myth 2. Raising a child to be bilingual leads to speech delays.

Some children raised bilingual do take a little longer to start talking than those raised in monolingual households. The delay is temporary, however, and according to experts, it's not a general rule.

Unfortunately, parents who raise concerns about the speech development of their bilingual child are often told to stick to one language. This happens because in the past, bilingualism was considered the culprit in problems with language development.

"Research indicates that bilingualism does not cause delays in either speech or language acquisition”.

Even if your child has already been diagnosed with some kind of speech delay, raising him bilingual won't make his speech any more delayed.

"Studies have found that children with language delays who are in dual language environments gain language at the same rate as those in monolingual environments”.

Myth 3. Bilingual children end up mixing the two languages.

Mixing languages is both inevitable and harmless. But to some unfamiliar with bilingualism, it's proof that the child can't really tell the languages apart.

Most children who are raised bilingual do resort to mixing as they sort out both languages. In addition, one of the languages often has a stronger influence on the child than the other. Kids who have a smaller vocabulary in the minority language may draw on words from the majority language as needed.

Experts agree that mixing is temporary. Eventually, it goes away as a child's vocabulary develops in both languages and he has more exposure to each one.

Myth 4. It's too late to raise your child bilingual.

It's never too late, or too early, to introduce your child to a second language.

The optimal time, according to experts, seems to be from birth to 3 years – exactly when a child is learning his first language, and his mind is still open and flexible.

The next best time for learning a second language appears to be when kids are between 4 and 7 years old, because they can still process multiple languages on parallel paths. In other words, they build a second language system alongside the first and learn to speak both languages like a native.

If your child is older than 7 and you've been thinking about raising him bilingual, it's still not too late. The third best time for learning a second language is from about age 8 to puberty. After puberty, studies show, new languages are stored in a separate area of the brain, so children have to translate or go through their native language as a path to the new language.

Myth 5. Children are like sponges, and they'll become bilingual without effort and in no time.

Although it's easier for children to learn a new language the earlier they're exposed to it, even then it doesn't happen by osmosis. It's unrealistic to expect your child to learn English by watching countless episodes of Dora the Explorer on television.

Learning a language doesn't have to be a chore. But introducing a second language to your children does require some kind of structure and, most important, consistency, whether it's through day-to-day conversation or formal instruction. The idea is to expose them to language learning in meaningful and interesting ways that are connected to real life.

  

Cannot potty train my two year old daughter. I try to make her sit on her potty, she plays then stands up and makes pee pee on herself. Help please!!!

Many parents get nervous when they think about toilet training their young child. The folklore about toilet training may have a lot to do with their anxiety. For example, parents hear stories about children being toilet trained at six months of age. Those kinds of stories are ridiculous; a child who can't walk cannot possibly go to the toilet without help, which is what being toilet trained means. Or, a mother hears from relatives that as a child, she was easily trained and then never had an accident, day or night. Such folklore makes parents think there is some simple way if only they knew it to toilet train a child once and for all. No wonder parents question whether they or their child is up to the task of toilet training.

I want to help you get past these myths and misconceptions and give you some practical, common sense information that can help make potty training your child a more pleasant and satisfying experience.

Forget the Folklore

You can toilet train your child effectively and efficiently if you keep in mind some basic guidelines. Do these four things before you get started with potty training:

Relax - Toilet training is often the first task that parents take a strong stand on. Sure, it is important to you, but adding tension and pressure to the process will not make it any easier for you or your child. Remember, unlike eating, sleeping, and playing, there is no natural, immediate payoff for your child when he or she uses the toilet. Your child may not always cooperate with you during toilet training, but your tension will just make things worse. You know your child eventually will learn to use the toilet, so don't make it a contest of wills. Be calm and patient, and allow your child some time to get the idea.

Wait - Most children are toilet trained when they are 2, 3, or 4 years old. A few children are ready earlier, but just to be on the safe side, wait until your child is at least 2 years old.

Make sure you are ready - Do you really want to find out where the bathroom is in every store and restaurant you go to and on every highway and street you drive? Are you ready for potty interruptions all day long? Have the grandparents let up on their pressure about toilet training? (Remember, toilet training need not be a community affair. If you don't want to, you don't have to mention your child's efforts to anyone else, even grandparents.) Has the crisis at work passed? Is the household relatively stable now, and will it continue to be so for a few weeks? (Having other parts of your life running smoothly will help ease the chore of toilet training.)

Make sure your child is ready - If you are really ready to toilet train, see if your child is ready. Parents and others (grandma, aunt, friends) sometimes push toilet training before there are clear signs that the child is ready. Your child is not ready:

Readiness

Age - Your child should be at least 20 months old and preferably 2 years old or older.

Physical readiness - Your daughter should be able to pick up objects, lower and raise his or her pants, and walk from room to room easily.

Bladder readiness - Your child should already be staying dry for several hours at a time, urinating about four to six times a day, and completely emptying his or her bladder. If your child is still wetting a small amount frequently (7 to 10 times a day), you should wait.

Language readiness - Your child should understand your toileting words, words like "wet," "dry," "pants," and "bathroom." If your daughter does not understand what you are talking about, you should wait.

Instructional readiness - Your child should be able to understand simple instructions, such as "Come here, please" and "Sit down." Just as important, your child should be following the reasonable instructions you give. If your child opposes you much of the time and has frequent temper tantrums, you will probably have problems with toilet training.

Bladder and bowel awareness - Your child may indicate that she is aware of the need to void or eliminate. Children usually indicate this awareness not through words but through actions – making a face, assuming a special posture like squatting, or going to a certain location when they feel the urge to urinate or defecate. This may be a positive sign that your child is ready to begin toilet training.

Getting Your daughter Ready

Let your child watch you - Your child can learn a lot about how to use the toilet correctly by watching a parent. Frequently let your child come with you when you go to the bathroom. Use simple words to explain what you are doing (for example, "Mummy is going peepee in the potty.").

Teach your child to raise and lower his or her pants - You can do this gradually when you are dressing or undressing your child. With your daughter, for example, you can first pull down her pants with little or no help from her. Then, do less pulling and let her do more. This process may take many weeks, but it is worthwhile. Later, when you begin toilet training, you will be glad that your child already knows how to pull down her pants and that you don’t have to tackle that learning task in addition to toilet training.

Help your child learn to follow your instructions - Make sure you have your child's attention when you give an instruction. Immediately praise your child if he or she does what you ask. If your child does not follow your instruction right away, gently guide him or her through what should be done, and do not give another instruction until the first one has been followed. If your child starts to cry, ignore the crying. When your child has calmed down, repeat your instruction.

Set out a potty chair - A few weeks, or even months, before you think you will start toilet training, make a potty chair available to your child so that he or she can get used to it. Put it in the bathroom or in another room so your child has a chance to investigate it. Let your child get used to sitting on it, with clothes on. Encourage your daughter to sit on the potty (instead of standing in front of it) so that she will be used to sitting when you start toilet training. (Later on, when she is well past being toilet trained, she can stand.)

Praise your child. Every time your child does something the right way, be sure to let her know. Praise your child with words that are brief and to the point, such as "You did a good job pulling down your pants." Or, give your child a smile, a hug, or a kiss. This attention is how you teach your child what behavior pleases you.

I don't know how to get my child to stop lying. We have tried very hard to teach high moral standards. The more I punish him, the more he lies. I'm really worried

Understanding You’re Child, Yourself, and the Situation

I have searched and searched and can't find a single adult who never told a lie as a child. Actually I cannot find any adults who never lie now. I’m not making this point to justify lying, but to show that children who lie are not defective or immoral. We need to deal with the reasons children lie before we can help them give up their need to lie. Usually children lie for the same reasons adults do, they feel trapped, are scared of punishment or rejection, feel threatened, or just think lying will make things easier for everyone. Often lying is a sign of low self-esteem. People think they need to make themselves look better because they don't know they are good enough as they are.

Suggestions

·       Stop asking set-up questions that invite lying. A set-up question is one to which you already know the answer. "Did you clean your room?" Instead say, "I notice you didn't clean your room. Would you like to work on a plan for cleaning it?"

·       Focus on solutions to problems instead of blame. "What should we do about getting the chores done?" instead of, "Did you do your chores?"

·       Be honest yourself. Say, "That doesn't sound like the truth to me. Most of us don't tell the truth when we are feeling trapped, scared, or threatened in some way. Why don't we take some time off from this right now? Later I'll be available if you would like to share with me what is going on for you."

·       Respect your children's privacy when they don't want to share with you.

Planning Ahead to Prevent Future Problems

·       Help children believe that mistakes are opportunities to learn so they won't believe they are bad and need to cover up their mistakes.

·       Set an example in telling the truth. Share with your children times when it was difficult for you to tell the truth, but you decided it was more important to experience the consequences and keep your self-respect. Be sure this is honest sharing instead of a lecture.

·       Let children know they are unconditionally loved. Many children lie because they are afraid the truth will disappoint their parents. Show appreciation. "Thank you for telling the truth. I know that was difficult. I admire the way you are willing to face the consequences, and I know you can handle them and learn from them."

·       Stop trying to control children. Many children lie so they can find out who they are and do what they want to do. At the same time, they are trying to please their parents by making them think they are doing what they are supposed to do.

Life Skills Children Can Learn

Children can learn that it is safe to tell the truth in their family. Even when they forget that, they are reminded with gentleness and love. They can learn that their parents care about their fears and mistaken beliefs and will help them overcome them.

Parenting Pointers

·       Many children lie to protect themselves from judgment and criticism because the believe it when adults say they are bad. Of course they want to avoid this kind of pain.

·       Remember that who your child is now is not who your child will be forever. If your child tells a lie, don't overreact to the behavior by calling your child a liar.

·       Focus on building closeness and trust in the relationship instead of on the behavior problem. This is usually the quickest way to diminish the behavior that you find objectionable.

My ten year-old son is so unmotivated.

My 10 –year-old son is so unmotivated.  I can’t get him to get out of bed in time for school.  I can’t get him to brush his teeth.  He’s always late to school!  He doesn’t do his homework.  I just don’t know what to do.

Children live with the constant expectation that they follow the rules set for them by authority figures.  Often, they feel the need to gain control over their lives, and at times they will resort to resistance as a way of asserting their independence and authority.

Below are several ways to deal with your son:

·         Tame your anxiety. Children will often get caught up in a power struggle: you push, and they resist. Your anxiety about the consequences of their actions will only teach them how to appease or resist you. Instead of focusing on themselves and finding an internal motivation, they will be trained to react to you. Calm down and take a step back.

·         Create inspiration.  Change your behaviors so that you can be a positive role model for your son. Your child will resist if you are too controlling, so instead of trying to exert control over his behavior, try to guide and mold his behavior by example.

·         Let your son face consequences of his actions. If your son does not do his homework, don’t do it for him. Let him deal with the negative consequences in school. If he doesn’t get out of bed, let him get in trouble for coming to school late. In this way, you will be allowing him to take responsibility for his actions.

·         Erase the guilt. Your child’s lack of motivation is most probably not an outgrowth of your lack of trying. He is free to make his own decisions, fail, and accept the consequences.

·         Look for his strengths.  Is he really creative? Athletic? Generous? Whatever his strength is, make the most of it. Sign him up for an afterschool activity that he will excel in. This will not only help him gain confidence, but will also introduce him to children his own age who share his passion. He will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, which will naturally boost his motivation.

Perhaps the most important piece of advice I can give you is that no child is truly unmotivated. It’s simply a matter of decoding the child’s behavior and figuring out the best way to help him realize his true potential.