Many
parents get nervous when they think about toilet training their young child.
The folklore about toilet training may have a lot to do with their anxiety. For
example, parents hear stories about children being toilet trained at six months
of age. Those kinds of stories are ridiculous; a child who can't walk cannot
possibly go to the toilet without help, which is what being toilet trained
means. Or, a mother hears from relatives that as a child, she was easily
trained and then never had an accident, day or night. Such folklore makes
parents think there is some simple way if only they knew it to toilet train a
child once and for all. No wonder parents question whether they or their child
is up to the task of toilet training.
I
want to help you get past these myths and misconceptions and give you some
practical, common sense information that can help make potty training your child
a more pleasant and satisfying experience.
Forget the Folklore
You
can toilet train your child effectively and efficiently if you keep in
mind some basic guidelines. Do these four things before you get started with
potty training:
Relax - Toilet training is often
the first task that parents take a strong stand on. Sure, it is important to
you, but adding tension and pressure to the process will not make it any easier
for you or your child. Remember, unlike eating, sleeping, and playing, there is
no natural, immediate payoff for your child when he or she uses the toilet.
Your child may not always cooperate with you during toilet training, but your
tension will just make things worse. You know your child eventually will learn
to use the toilet, so don't make it a contest of wills. Be calm and patient,
and allow your child some time to get the idea.
Wait - Most children are toilet
trained when they are 2, 3, or 4 years old. A few children are ready earlier,
but just to be on the safe side, wait until your child is at least 2 years old.
Make
sure you are ready - Do you really want to find out where the bathroom is in every
store and restaurant you go to and on every highway and street you drive? Are
you ready for potty interruptions all day long? Have the grandparents let up on
their pressure about toilet training? (Remember, toilet training need not be a
community affair. If you don't want to, you don't have to mention your child's
efforts to anyone else, even grandparents.) Has the crisis at work passed? Is
the household relatively stable now, and will it continue to be so for a few
weeks? (Having other parts of your life running smoothly will help ease the
chore of toilet training.)
Make
sure your child is ready - If you are really ready to toilet train, see if your child is
ready. Parents and others (grandma, aunt, friends) sometimes push toilet
training before there are clear signs that the child is ready. Your child is not
ready:
Readiness
Age - Your child should be at
least 20 months old and preferably 2 years old or older.
Physical readiness - Your daughter should be
able to pick up objects, lower and raise his or her pants, and walk from room
to room easily.
Bladder readiness - Your child should already
be staying dry for several hours at a time, urinating about four to six times a
day, and completely emptying his or her bladder. If your child is still wetting
a small amount frequently (7 to 10 times a day), you should wait.
Language readiness - Your child should
understand your toileting words, words like "wet," "dry,"
"pants," and "bathroom." If your daughter does not
understand what you are talking about, you should wait.
Instructional readiness - Your child should be able
to understand simple instructions, such as "Come here, please" and
"Sit down." Just as important, your child should be following
the reasonable instructions you give. If your child opposes you much of the
time and has frequent temper tantrums, you will probably have problems with
toilet training.
Bladder and bowel awareness - Your child may indicate
that she is aware of the need to void or eliminate. Children usually indicate
this awareness not through words but through actions – making a face, assuming
a special posture like squatting, or going to a certain location when they feel
the urge to urinate or defecate. This may be a positive sign that your child is
ready to begin toilet training.
Getting Your daughter Ready
Let
your child watch you - Your child can learn a lot about how to use the toilet
correctly by watching a parent. Frequently let your child come with you when
you go to the bathroom. Use simple words to explain what you are doing (for
example, "Mummy is going peepee in the potty.").
Teach
your child to raise and lower his or her pants - You can do this gradually when you
are dressing or undressing your child. With your daughter, for example, you can
first pull down her pants with little or no help from her. Then, do less
pulling and let her do more. This process may take many weeks, but it is
worthwhile. Later, when you begin toilet training, you will be glad that your
child already knows how to pull down her pants and that you don’t have to
tackle that learning task in addition to toilet training.
Help
your child learn to follow your instructions - Make sure you have your child's
attention when you give an instruction. Immediately praise your child if he or
she does what you ask. If your child does not follow your instruction right
away, gently guide him or her through what should be done, and do not give
another instruction until the first one has been followed. If your child starts
to cry, ignore the crying. When your child has calmed down, repeat your
instruction.
Set
out a potty chair - A few weeks, or even months, before you think you will start
toilet training, make a potty chair available to your child so that he or she
can get used to it. Put it in the bathroom or in another room so your child has
a chance to investigate it. Let your child get used to sitting on it, with
clothes on. Encourage your daughter to sit on the potty (instead of standing in
front of it) so that she will be used to sitting when you start toilet
training. (Later on, when she is well past being toilet trained, she can
stand.)
Praise
your child.
Every time your child does something the right way, be sure to let her know.
Praise your child with words that are brief and to the point, such as "You
did a good job pulling down your pants." Or, give your child a smile, a
hug, or a kiss. This attention is how you teach your child what behavior
pleases you.
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