My 7 year old son is swearing at school and at home. What should I do?

It can be quite a shock when your child starts to swear. You might be wondering where your child learned that kind of language. And whether he really understands what he’s saying. How you react to your child’s swearing now will influence his future swearing behavior. 

Young children often swear because they’re exploring language. They might be testing a new word, perhaps to understand it’s meaning. When school-age children swear, it’s usually to vent some negative feelings. It’s a response to something painful, upsetting or frustrating.  Children might also swear to fit in socially. They might be trying to be part of the group, or to stand out by being funny or adding shock value to their talk. Children might also be imitating others when they swear.

What to do:

·      Speak to your child about his choice of words, rather than ignoring his behaviour . Your child might or might not fully understand a swear word’s meaning.

·      Your reaction will influence whether your child swears again. Stay calm and explain clearly that the word your child used is not acceptable. This will go a long way towards preventing future swearing.

·      Explain what the word means. 
Your age of child can benefit from a simple explanation, depending on the individual child. If you think your child might have some understanding of the meaning of the word, you can ask him what he thinks the word means.

·      It’s a good idea to discuss and agree on acceptable language. For example, in some families, expressions such as ‘Oh my god’ are OK, but other words are not.

·      Discuss your family rules about acceptable language with your child. For example, you could say, ‘Please speak politely or don’t speak at all’, or ‘There are some words we don’t use in our home’.

·      You might also explain to your child that some words that are acceptable at home might not be acceptable at school (or other settings such as church or other children’s homes) – that different places have different rules.

·      If you find it difficult to stop swearing yourself, try to find alternative words to use or another way to deal with the situation. Adults often swear when they’re frustrated or angry. Instead of swearing, try to say something like, ‘I feel really frustrated or angry’.

·      Be aware of what your child watches, listens to and plays with. That means supervising TV, movies and other multimedia and music. It’s a good idea to have the computer and TV in a part of the house where you can easily see them. This should reduce your child’s exposure to inappropriate language (and behaviour).

·      Praise your child when you notice him dealing more appropriately with anger or frustration.

Tackling swearing by dealing with the cause

·      If the swearing is because of anger, you can teach your child that such feelings are OK. But it’s better for your child to express his feelings using more appropriate words, or to get away from what is making him angry. For example, if your child is angry at a playmate, tell him to walk away or ask an adult for help with the situation.

·      If you think your child is swearing to fit in socially, discuss other ways he can gain acceptance from his friends. For example, think of another ‘cool’ expression he can use.

·      If the swearing is because of frustration, talk your child through the steps to sorting out problems for him. For example, if his trying to tie his shoelaces, suggest he starts by crossing the laces under each other, then makes the bows, and so on.

·      Teach your child alternative ways to deal with anger and frustration. This could include counting to 10, taking deep breaths, or talking about angry feelings.

·      Encourage your child to use alternative words that are not offensive. For example, you could suggest, ‘flip’ or ‘shivers’ or even funny words that you and your child make up together.

When your child pushes the boundaries

·      Clearly state the rules. For example, say, ‘We use polite language in this family’.

·      Tell your child what the consequences will be if you hear swear words (for example, or loss of privileges such as TV time or pocket money and so on).

·      Praise your child for not swearing in situations where he normally would. Or if he has gone a long time without swearing, tell him how proud you are that he used manners and lots of polite language.

·      If your child’s swearing is abusive and directed at others, clearly state that you will not tolerate this kind of behaviour. School-age children should understand about hurting others’ feelings.

·      If swearing is one of several inappropriate behaviours that your child shows, you might consider seeking help from a child health professional such as a psychologist or school counsellor. Or your GP might be able to recommend someone in your area.