Twin girls aged two. One is very naughty and cries all the time, the other is very quiet. How to best deal with this situation?

Many behaviour issues are related to rivalry or competition amongst multiples who seem born to bicker. It even has a ‘name’, Twin Escalation Syndrome, the tendency of multiples to intensify and expand their behaviours in reaction to each other.

Simply put, one twin cries so the other cries louder, making the first cry louder still and so on. Similar situations occur with behaviour. One twin thinks it’s funny to slurp his drink and does so for attention. The second twin, to divert the attention to him, will blow bubbles into his drink and so it goes.

Twins will always compete for attention and it should be dealt with in the same way, as you would treat any naughtiness. And the quickest and simplest resolution, at least on a temporary level, is to separate them. This only works if each twin has someone to escalate with. 

At your daughter’s age, the easiest way to stop a tantrum is to simply divert their attention. Rotate their activity; bring out their favourite toys, some crayons or sit them in front of a new DVD.  You can also try changing rooms. Even a change of scene from downstairs to upstairs can be enough to stop the situation before it escalates.

Better yet, enlist some help. Relatives, grandparents or cousin’s make great playmates because they’re NEW! Five minutes of hide and seek with their older cousins is sure to make them forget their troubles. It will also give you a chance to have a break and quiet time!

Establishing a Bedtime Routine is vital for all families, but particularly where twins are involved. Encourage calm before bed by reading a story, talking quietly about their day and giving them a cuddle. Try to make time for each of your daughters individually - a couple of minutes of one to one time before bed is important for both you and your girls.

With multiple children, it’s tempting to focus on whoever is shouting the loudest. The trouble with this approach is that your daughters quickly learn that tantrums are an easy way to get your attention. Worse still, your quiet daughter will miss out on the attention she needs. So, before you focus on the screamer, tend to your calm child first, make sure she is content and that she knows you’re pleased with her good behaviour.

Sleep is undoubtedly one of the biggest issues for twins. All families with twins will tell a similar story – the first six months are likely to be a blur of sleepless nights, grumpy parents and restless toddlers. Most probably when one of your children is sleeping, the other is awake and crying for you or dad… a mad dash by parents inevitably ensues to prevent the other twin waking up.

Relax! Twins quickly grow accustomed to each other’s presence, you’ll find they often don’t wake each other up. If one of your twins wakes after only a few hours, experiment by leaving her to cry for a little while instead of rushing in to comfort her. The other twin may well sleep through the crying, or if she wakes, she might be just enough comfort for the first twin to go back to sleep.

Remember, you’ll parent better if you keep yourselves healthy and well rested. My advice is to just let them get used to it. People are scared of that with twins, but it’s the only way to do it.”

It’s simply not possible to stimulate twins all day on your own. Try to take your children out every day – even if it’s just to the local park or end of the street. Keeping two children in tow can be challenging, to say the least, so please try my techniques. Keep your mind open to them if other strategies have failed.

If it all seems too much, remember that toddler walks can be as simple as picking flowers in the garden or going next door to pat the cat.

Try these simple steps but please stick to them and in time you will see your daughter calmer.  Stay strong and good luck!!